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Kristen Parer

Help me reach my goal of $5,000

Why I swim

I’m swimming this March to remember Elizabeth in one of her happiest places. Every lap I swim is directly for my mental health. If that inspires you to donate, together we can help ensure a safe place for young people to turn when life feels overwhelming.

Swimmer

Elizabeth loved to swim.  A bad day would be completely turned around after an evening in the pool.  She was never fast.  She lamented becoming the oldest still going to swimming lessons and yet so slow.  But she could swim forever.  

I'm going to do my best to swim each day in March.  Something that will connect me with Elizabeth.  Something to help me get through her birthday on the 7th and to get me through this month.  It may not be much.  My fitness is pretty much the lowest it has ever been.  But perhaps it will help me return to the pool that I loved as a kid, at a time when I need it physically and emotionally.  

Please support this organisation that looks to support youth like Elizabeth, that is there for her friends if they need it.

Please support me by giving me a reason to show up, to do something concrete.  A tiny step forward.

My Swim Progress

Completed

1.38km (44 laps)

My goal

3km

Please help Kristen
reach their goal for
youth mental health

Raised

$5,300

My Goal

$5,000

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My Impact

Impact

So far I’ve raised $5,300 to provided 1324.9175 young people experiencing mental health difficulties with vital support.

Top Donation

Donation top

$319

Anonymous

Shoutout to Anonymous – my biggest supporter so far with a $319 donation to help young people get the mental health support they need through ReachOut!

Funds Raised

Note: displays max previous 3 years of fundraising only

My Updates

I've got muscles!
I had the best intentions today of getting straight to the pool after school drop off.  I wanted to get the swimming out of the way to leave a clear day.  But you know what? Grief is exhausting.  If life wasn't already exhausting enough, this is a whole other layer.  I fell asleep and didn't wake until after 1pm.

When I got to the pool this afternoon, Persephone and Saartje were already there.  These are two of Elizabeth's closest friends from Venturers.  They, along with Lylah are the youth members of team, Swim for Elizabeth.  Scroll down my page to find links to their pages and give them some support.  

To be fair - Persephone was one of the lap swimmers when I was at the pool yesterday.  She was completely in the zone and smashed out 101 laps of the 33m pool.  Swimming is definitely something that Elizabeth had in common with Persephone.

Today I did another 10 laps.  After one lap of yet more tortured freestyle, I opted for my self-styled, ramshackle breast stroke.  

My swimming lessons never got past doggy paddle, freestyle and backstroke. However, I liked to think that I had watched enough lessons to know that the kick involved some sort of bending the knees in with ankles together and releasing the whole lot in some kind of semi-controlled thrust.  At the pool I would give it a crack and look to Elizabeth for validation only to receive more of an eyeroll, yeah-nah...

The breast stroke was hacked together, inconsistent and lacking any rhythm - and yet still much gentler.  So, that was a win.  I would change what I was doing half way through a lap, or sometimes every stroke.  'Hey - look what happens if I don't breathe every stroke - my torso is popping right up... ooh, I wonder what happens if I do this with my hands?'  - yeah - completely scattered.

Doing breaststroke I spent more time with my biceps in my peripheral vision.  With the distortion of the water and my goggles, for a good half a lap, all I could think was, 'I've got muscles!' (best heard in a bragging 4 year old voice).
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Today was hard
I made the mistake today, of trying to do two things outside of my bubble. I burnt through energy I didn't have and probably achieved nothing for it. Sometimes you have to try, have to advocate, have to burn through your last reserves.  Sometimes you have to risk falling on your face so that you can live with yourself.  Maybe it will move the dial in the smallest of ways.

I swam 10 laps today.  A mild afternoon with only 3 others at the pool swimming laps.  It was quiet.  There weren't conversations or distractions.  Just me and my thoughts.  It was hard.  It didn't feel right.  I shouldn't even need to be doing this.  I felt awkward in the water.  I tried to focus on the way the water felt on my skin. Notice the boundary between air and water.  I do love being in the water.  I stopped between each lap to catch my breath.  I didn't enjoy it.  After 10 laps I slipped out of the lap lanes and floated.  Tried to pretend for a little while that this isn't real.  Tried to disappear in the gentle up and down of the water.
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How many laps? Couldn't tell you...

When I was trying to wedge myself into doing this, I contacted Paul Sadler Swimland in Rowville where Elizabeth had learnt to swim since kinder.  The swim school didn’t know we had lost Elizabeth.  She had intended to keep up lessons there for the first half of last year until she was due to start Surf Lifesaving through school and the Woolamai Beach Surf Lifesaving Club.   Unfortunately her swimming journey ended before that could happen as she sought to hide the physical scars of her internal struggle.


When I emailed, I don’t know what I was really looking for except, perhaps, for something that would make me follow through and stick with this journey.  I explained Elizabeth’s struggles.  I related my vulnerability and hesitation.  In no more than half an hour a response came.  The response was warm, caring and heartfelt.  Absolutely they would support me in this journey.  I was taken aback by the rapid, unqualified and complete embracing of me and what I was doing.

So today I swam at @Paul Sadler Swimland Rowville.  I slunk in as one lesson ended, and had an empty pool for 45 min before a swarm of preppies came in to do their thing.  My very own personal swimming lesson.  My main tips were to scoop my hands and slow down my arms.  As the first arm comes down to the surface of the water, wait until the second arm comes over before scooping the first arm downward.  I understood immediately.  For years I had watched kids with their kick boards releasing one hand, bringing the arm all the way around and then doing the same with the other hand.  Could I translate that into my reality?  I could not.  My brain could not work out when and how to breathe while also changing my arms.  Maybe one day I’ll get out a kick board and go back to basics like kids learning freestyle for the first time.  I gave it a go, gave up and went back to inefficient windmill arms…. Given I couldn’t breathe and modify my stroke - lap counting definitely eluded me.  I definitely did 9 laps.  I might have done 11.  I’ve logged 9.  I’m happy with that.

I think Elizabeth would have found the sight of me getting into the pool at Paul Sadler quite hilarious.  There I was, having my own ‘Proud Moment’.  It could only have been funnier if I had stood on the side of the pool in swim safer week and sung the swim safe song complete with actions…

A shout out to Belgravia Leisure who have given our team members free entry to Belgrave and Monbulk pools during March.  Thanks Carolyn for organising this.  I am taking my pool fee savings and using them to sponsor the youth members of team, Swim for Elizabeth.  After all - this is for them.  Laps for Life raises money to support our youth.  Our team members have lost a dear friend.  What better way to support these incredible teens than by contributing to their fundraising efforts? 
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Kick off
So day one is under my belt.  I can't remember the last time I swam without Elizabeth.  For the last 17 years, swimming has been a family activity.  And I'm pretty sure the last time that happened was years ago (more about that day in a future post).  

I have to say my first lap was harder than I thought it would be.  I got to the end, put my arms on the edge of the pool, sunk my head in them and cried.  My heart was racing, my muscles all felt it and the lack of coordination that smarts when a lap used not to be a big deal.  What was I doing? how would I get through a whole month? And all I really want is my girl.  

One more lap, and I felt pretty much the same.  But I reminded myself you are all behind me.  I reminded myself that I have a deliberately low km goal so that all I really need to do is turn up.  I managed the next two laps and with that I had technically reached my current daily goal.

With the pressure off I sat in the water for a bit.  And this is where the champion pictured comes in.  Actually to be fair Carolyn comes in a lot earlier.  Carolyn is our team captain.  It was Carolyn that posted 'Laps for Life' to the Venturers chat page.  The suggestion sat there for weeks with zero pressure.  It resonated.  It played on my mind.  I couldn't quite forget about it.  All Carolyn needed was a hint in order to spring into action

So a bit more about Carolyn.  Carolyn is a parent helper at the kids' scout group.  She is a parent helper who hasn't had a child at scouts for years.  Still, she shows up.  She is there on hikes.  She comes up with all sorts of activities.  She engages in person and with initiatives like Laps for Life where she looks for ways for the youth to get involved in whatever capacity they can.  

And you know what - she was the first person to notice the first signs that things could be heading down a different pathway for Elizabeth.  Carolyn is there keeping an eye on our kids and supporting them any way she can.

I spoke at Elizabeth's funeral about how phenomenal scouting is for our youth.  Carolyn is definitely part of the secret sauce of scouting.

So what magic did Carolyn perform after my 4 laps.  The magic of being there by my side.  As she smashed out laps, I stopped every one to two laps and at various times we would just talk.  Sometimes that is all it takes.

Somehow the laps actually got easier.  My body was like, oh yeah, we've done this before - even if the muscles are fatigued.  I managed 15 laps!  I am somewhat surprised.  There is a part of me that wants to jump in and revise up my km goal - especially after the incredible support you are all giving me.  But - I am reminding myself to go gently.  There is time for cultivating ambition.  This is only day one.

What an amazing start.  One day at a time.  Thanks everyone.  Thanks Carolyn.  Check out Carolyn's page and giver her some love.
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Tomorrow it starts
I am not okay.  That is an uncomfortable thing to say when I know how carefully people are looking for signs that I am.

Today I headed off with 3 close friends to the Mornington peninsula on a beautiful day to walk to Bushrangers Bay, enjoy company, splash in rock pools, and enjoy being out in the natural world.  It should have been ideal.  Instead, I had to get Darren to pick me up and bring me home when after just the trip their I was overwhelmed by conversation, by the ordinary details of everyone's lives, the happy, the difficult and the ordinary.  It was all a lot. 

That is why this is important for my health personally.  I will get out and do one thing each day that achieves something.  I can do it by myself or with others - but without the pressure to 'be social'.

As much as things are difficult for me, I am learning each day how many people are grappling with the loss of Elizabeth.  The ripple of her life is felt in corners that I didn't even know existed.  Her loss has impacted family, friends, class mates and teachers.  People who knew her well, people who hardly knew her at all.  Some people knew her from a distance - would see her standing at the bus stop each day, and now she isn't there. 

The amazing thing about Laps for Life is that YOU are providing options to the youth in Elizabeth's world, and to all youth out there. 

I am astounded that within the first 48 hours of sharing my page I have had to increase my fundraising goal 3 times!  I am overwhelmed with gratitude and support.   If you check out the bottom of my page you will see my team members.  These people are people with whom I have shared my parenting journey and some of Elizabeth's closest friends.  It would be amazing if you could throw some love their way.

Tomorrow it starts!  Wish me luck!  Wish us all luck!

My Team

Swim for Elizabeth

Beccy Blias

Raised so far:

$207.44

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Swim for Elizabeth

Persephone Dupanloup

Raised so far:

$195.30

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Swim for Elizabeth

Kristen Parer

Raised so far:

$5,299.67

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Swim for Elizabeth

Carolyn B (C)

Raised so far:

$154.62

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Swim for Elizabeth

Laurelle Keough

Raised so far:

$188.78

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Swim for Elizabeth

Saartje Cornell

Raised so far:

$86.65

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Swim for Elizabeth

Lylah Weir

Raised so far:

$192.89

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Swim for Elizabeth

Laetitia Gerard

Raised so far:

$775.95

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Swim for Elizabeth

Alice Hayllar

Raised so far:

$102.41

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Swim for Elizabeth

Paul Parer

Raised so far:

$105.97

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My Gallery

Thank you to my
supporters

$318.61

Anonymous

$263.75

Leanne Fraser

Every stroke makes a difference. Swim strong. Remembered xx

$263.75

Chandran

So proud of you!!! Our thoughts and prayers are with you.

$258.48

Catherine

I've been close enough to feel the fear x 2 kids. I also remember Elizabeth's smile.

$245

Jane Fisher

Love that you are swimming in honour of Elizabeth.

$245

Kristen Parer

$245

Matched by 7-Eleven

$245

Casey Dalbo

A beautiful way to honour Elizabeth. All the best as you strengthen your body and heart... whether your laps be just as cruisy, or you lap her multiple times. ❤️

$245

Sylvie

What a meaningful way to honour Elizabeth while caring for yourself, too. I’m thinking of you.

$211

Ray and Glenda de Jager

We are happy to support you in this. We will follow your progress with great interest. We send our love and best wishes to you, Darren and Paul

$211

Barbara B

With oceans of love for all of you - Elizabeth, Kristen, Darren and Paul. I hope this is a gentle and supporting venture for you as you remember and honour Elizabeth.

$158.25

Byfords

Keep going Kristen xxx We were so amazed when Elizabeth swam 10K. Love for her, for you, for Paul and Darren and all her family, Martin, Robbie and Siobhan xxx

$158.25

Tracey Johnston

Thinking of you, Elizabeth and your family. Take care during this difficult time x

$135.04

Rose

I can't swim very well, but I will be there in spirit cheering you on every day.

$135.04

Dane B

In memory of Elizabeth. Sending you lots of love and support.

$106.12

Paula T

Helping others and helping yourself at the same time, whilst being in Elizabeth’s happy place. A great idea, Kristen

$106.12

Lucy Moore

Thinking of you and Elizabeth as you swim laps this month

$106.12

Kim Asher

💙💙💙💙

$106.12

Maureen and Michael

In memory of Elizabeth x

$106.12

Kirsten Boxall

In memory of Elizabeth, who loved Showtime too.

$100

Catherine and Aaron Carney

We are right behind you Kristen in honouring your beautiful Elizabeth, raising awareness and funds to help and support our youth, and taking an important step for your own healing.

$100

Rachael Vautier

So proud of you and happy to see how much your community is getting behind you xxx

$94.86

Natasha Kovalenko

For much love and strength to you and in honour of Elizabeth.

$94.86

Paul and Frances Parer

Keep going Kristen, you're going well and we are proud of you.

$94.86

Bronwyn Kearney

hugs

$78.26

Anonymous

I’m so glad you decided to do this. I hope it brings you even just an ounce of relief from your pain. I wish I was able to join you in the pool too. I love you.

$60

Mike Banning

Elizabeth would be proud of you for doing this Kristen. Such a worthwhile cause.

$56.24

Cinnamon

You’re doing an amazing job. Much love to you all xx

$56.24

AndrewH

You are an inspiration, Kristen!

$56.24

Anonymous

$56.24

Kate Strikker

I can't swim well enough to join you, but I can cheer you on.

$54.99

Hudson family

With love always.

$54.12

Vicky P

I’m a neighbour of Barbara’s and really want to support you.

$54.12

Ani

Go Kristen!

$54.12

Scott Webber

$52.92

Wendy Clarke

Go well Kristen, keep lapping and Obtain A Yield, your Permie class is right behind you!

$52

Peny Bohan

$33.15

Alex Watts

$33.15

Anonymous

$33.15

Tamara Wharton

So proud of you my beautiful friend. You are an inspiration through all of your heartache and I am so proud of what you are doing xx

$33.15

Meiki and Esko

I tried to join the team, but you have to swim every day, and I can only manage a few swims a week! Esko has started riding on my back when i swim, which is super cute. So I can manage mini laps now. We will be thinking of you. Xxx

$30

Emily Jones

$24

Gemmah Owen

Sending loving energies and willing you on! 💜💫🌿

$22.58

Anonymous

$20

Anonymous

$20

Tracey

❤️

$11.65

Anonymous

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