Courtney Tuck

Immense gratitude

After signing up and posting my situation on FB, I ran away feeling terrified at the vulnerability of putting my own mental health battle out there for everyone to see. But when I found the guts to check back less than 24 hours later to find so much support, and that my fundraising target had already been doubled, I cried tears of gratitude. I wish I had this kind of momentum when in my youth mental health crisis. So I have raised the bar to try to make a difference for the kids who need it. Little ripples make big waves.

Fb post:

Gonna be honest and vulnerable here. My mental health has been in the toilet since a car accident a few weeks ago. It happened during a super busy time, so I just gritted my teeth and carried on, until I finally had a minute to pause and check in with myself, and found a total mess of a head. The intense anxiety from the trauma opened the door for the black dog. 

For the last few weeks I have been struggling to eat, sleep, find any energy for the basics. I can't feel, unless my emotions take over entirely and just spew forth uncontrolled. I want to avoid everything and bedrot. IYKYK 😢. But unlike the last time I had a mental health crisis (7 years ago), this time I have a family to care for and a business to run. So I can't just succumb to the debilitating withdrawl. I have to fight standing up.

This morning, I spoke to a friend who's little girl is mentally struggling and still found the courage to go to her sports day. She was my inspiration to go to the pool. I wasn't expecting much. I haven't felt very fit since my last pregnancy or knee reconstruction, so was thinking maybe a few slow laps and a floating meditation. I sent my mate a quick pic for proof, then jumped in and just went for it.

I forgot how much I love swimming. I never swam competitively, so its always been my relaxing exercise. Maybe it is how we control and lengthen the breath between strokes, like meditating. Maybe it is the weightlessness of the body stretching out against the gentle resistance of water. Maybe it's that no one can bother you when you're moving fast down the lane line, and rest of the world just slips away...

The only thing I noticed while swimming through 1km, 2, then past 3...is a few different swimmers join the lanes at different times. All of them were doing Laps for Life. Wow, March already. I felt like I could have swam into April, but then for the first time in weeks, I noticed I was hungry. I finished my last lap and came up for air - literally and figuratively. I could breath for the first time since that airbag hit my face. 

Upon checking the message to see how long I had been swimming, I noticed that I, too, was wearing the Laps for Life swim cap from 2024. I care very much about mental health, especially youth mental health. Heck, thats why I am at the pool today. So I signed up right away.

Today's swim offered physical, emotional, and mental healing, but honestly, I don't know how long the endorphins will metaphorically keep my head above the deep, dark water of depression. But I do know I need to keep putting my head back in the water to fight my way through this standing up. 

If you can spare a few dollars, please consider sponsoring my swim to support desperately needed resources for youth mental health. I'll share more along this journey why that it critically important. I'll drop the link in the comments.

There are other ways to support. In bygone years I have done Laps for Life easily, but I reckon a cheer squad will help kick my ass into gear this year. My goals are lower than usual but it will be an even bigger achievement to make them. Hold me accountable, because my own head isn't always on my team at the moment. So help me get into the pool, into my body, where I can help myself heal. 

If you made it this far, thank you. And if you are struggling too, I hope this can be some inspiration for you to get your body moving, just like Miss L was for me today. 

💖